No, said Potter, in a tone of voice
that was supposed to make me straighten my back, click my heels,
and shout, Sir! Yes, sir! like one of the Muggle soldier-boys
in those idiotic war films that give Weaselbee such a hard-on.
And dont think, Potter continued, squinting
at me through his ridiculous glasses, that I dont
know exactly why you want this case, Malfoy.
Thats precisely my point, Potter, I bluffed.
I have the experiencemore than anyone else in the
departmentmore than the entire department put together,
in fact. I grew up with Dark artefacts. I was handling
Dark artefacts when the rest of them were still playing with their
Potter never shouted.
But he could do a quiet insistence that put my fathers
to shame. I assumed it was down to his having saved the world.
Then who are you planning to give the case to?
I asked, backing off a little without actually conceding defeat.
Ron, said Potter.
And Ive borrowed Hermione from the Being Division.
Granger? Iumsort of squeaked, becausewellno,
lets not go there just yet.
I suppose youre wondering what the fI mean, what
in Merlins name is going on, arent you?
Well, first, you need to know that Im an Auror.
Yes, I knowDraco Malfoy, the Slytherin Prince, Betrayer
of Hogwarts, Voldemorts youngest Death Eater, now fights
for truth, justice, andall of those other things.
Who would have thought it?
I refused at first because, despite the war and the reckoning
afterwards, I still had things pretty cushyliving off the
fruits of my ancestors laboursbut something Pansy
said when I read out the Ministrys letter made me change
my mind. The truth is that, since the war, the Wizarding world
has been a hard place for most pure-blood families, and Pansy
made me realise that a man on the inside might do a bit of good.
Not that I ever fail to do my duty, you understand.
I justyou knowexercise a little discretion.
Secondly, you need to know that a certain Dark artefact has
disappeared from the Ministrys Dark Artefact Storage FacilityDAS-F,
as we Aurors call itat Hammersmith.
And why am I so concerned about that, you ask? Why
am I prepared to swallow my pride and beg Potter for the
case, so that I can be the one to retrieve the Ebony Wand?
Keep reading; youre about to find out.
Granger turned up half an hour later.
It had been a few months since Id seen her.
Working unsociable hours, and having a job title that, to most
pure-bloods, counted as an Unforgivable Curse, I did seem to spend
an alarming amount of my spare time with Potter and Weaselbee,
but Granger never joined usmainly, I think, because that
idiot Weaselbees roving eye had finally broken the camels
Or words to that effect...
Anyway, Granger hadnt changedshe was still hiding
what looked like a pretty impressive body under five layers of
knobbly-tweed, and still wearing a bush on top of her head, though
her hair was longer now, and even wilder, like the Lady of Shalotts
in that painting by
Malfoy, said a voice from the cubicle beside mine,
I silenced the idiot with a sneer, and followed Granger into
Youre not on this case, Malfoy, said Potter,
I held up my hands in surrender. Granted. But I do have
important information about the stolen artefact, which Im
sure Granger,I emphasised her name a little, sucking
up like the true professional I amwill see the value
The golden girl eyed me thoughtfully. Dracos right,
Harry, she said at last. We need all the intel we
Potter sighed. All right, Malfoy, take a seat. For now.
I pulled up a chair, and wedged myself between Granger and Weaselbee.
Okay, said Potter. As you all know, the Ebony
Wand was stolen from the DAS-F some time between one oclock
and half past two this morning.
Havent they heard of wards in that place? I
grumbled. (Malfoy Manor might not have the fancy iron-pinned,
granite-lined, adamantine-sealed storage pits the DAS-F boasted,
but at least we Malfoys knew enough magic to keep our heirlooms
Potter glared at me. It was an inside job, Malfoy; Cuthbert
Pince took it.
So the rumours about Madam Pinces secret love-child
were true? I quipped.
The point is, Potter continued, whatever hes
planning, with the Ebony Wand, Pince is now the most powerful
wizard in Britain.
Why? chirped in Weaselbee. He looked, round me, at
Granger. What makes that wand so special?
It magnifies spells, she replied. Have I got
this right, Draco? You use your own wand to cast a spell on the
Ebony Wand, and thenfrom what Ive readwhen you
use the Ebony Wand to cast the same spell, the effect is somehow
And that used to belong to you? said Weaselbee,
looking at me, incredulously.
My grandfather, Abraxas Malfoy, I said, with dignity,
left it to me in his will.
Weaselbees thought processes clunked noisily. So
why, he said, frowning, didnt you use it when
you wereyou know?
Wards, I said. I couldnt touch it till
I was twenty-one.
My grandfather was a stickler for the ancient ways.
I drew Granger and Potter back into the conversation. And,
because I couldnt touch it, I explained, no
one else could, eitherincluding my fatherand that
at least kept it safe from You-Know-Who. I had a wonderful twenty-first
birthday, though, what with the Aurors battering down the door,
and the Ministry making me pay the confiscation costs.
Granger gave me a sympathetic smile.
So we need to find Pince, said Potter, getting back
to business, before he starts super-hexing everyone.
But, the thing is, Potter, I said, making another
attempt to get myself assigned to the case, the Ebony Wand
was created by a pure-blood for pure-bloods. I turned
to Granger. Im not saying that touching it would kill
you or anything, but you really should have a pure-blood with
She will have, said Weaselbee.
Crap. I was always forgetting thattechnicallythe
ginger git was one of us. Yes, I conceded, nimbly,
but theres a complication...
They waited for me to elaborate. Well? Potter prompted.
Draco, said Granger, youre blushing!
I am not, I said, indignantly. Its hot
in here, thats all. What I was going to say, is that my
grandfather acquired the Ebony Wand for a specific purpose.
What spell did he cast on it? asked Potter.
Is that even a spell? said Weaselbee. Ive
never heard of it.
Its a love charm, Ron, said Granger, of
Weaselbee laughed. Are you saying that Grandpa Malfoy had
trouble getting Grandma Malfoy to say I do?
Luckily for him, I had good reason to let that slur pass, but
Granger replied, seriously, The Lusting Spells classed
as Dark magic because, unlike Amortentia, it does create
real feelings. And, with the Ebony Wand to intensify it, it must
have been amazingly potent. ButIm sorry to bring this
up, Dracodidnt your grandfather pass away some years
Then what makes you think the spell will still be activethat
is what youre afraid of, isnt it? And if it was
cast with the express purpose of making your grandmotherumwant
your grandfather,she shruggedwhy would
it affect anyone else?
You just cant pull the wool over Grangers eyes, can
Are you willing to risk it, though? I countered.
I mean, suppose someone were to mishandle the wand and,
as a result, develop an insatiable desire for, um, a dead man
or, you know, something...? I looked at Potter. The
fact is, Im the only person in the Auror Office wholl
be totally immune to the spell.
Im not sure that actually follows... said Granger,
And, anyway, said Weaselbee, Pince must have
cast his own spell on the wand by now.
Pince? I said, witheringly. Pincell be...
But I remembered myself just in time, and let the rest hang in
the airnot least because Potter was eyeing me suspiciously.
Yesterday, he said, Kingsley pointed out to
me thatcompared to the other Aurorsyou are
surprisingly lenient, Malfoyat least, when pure-bloods are
involved. Hes ordered me to keep you on desk duty for a
while. His voice dropped lower. I really dont
care if you throw your own career away, but I wont have
you trashing mine as well.
We will take all the necessary precautions, Draco,
said Granger, reaching out and gently squeezing my arm. Nobodys
going to point the Ebony Wand at anyone and cast a Libidino.
Now, as youve probably gathered, I wasnt being
one hundred percent forthcoming when describing my grandfathers
antics with the Ebony Wand.
Call me Dark; call me devious; call me as embarrassed as a
teenage boy caught getting a hard-on at the sight of his mothers
(Yes, she did, and thats a tale that deserves telling
but, as far as Im concerned, the Malfoys
soiled linen has had more than enough public laundering, thank
you very much.
couldnt bring myself to didnt tell
them the most humiliating important thing about the Ebony
That being soand given that Potter had officially banned
me from working in the fieldthe only thing I could do was
wait, and hope to bat away each turd as it flew at me from the
For the rest of the day, I was confined to my cubicle, with strict
orders to catch up on my paperwork.
In the Muggle world (if Ive understood things correctly)
that would probably have been the ideal opportunity to sneak off
and insinuate myself into Granger and Weaselbees investigation.
In my world, it meant that I was tethered to my desk with a modified
Body-Bind Curse (known as an Auror Office Special).
And, just to put the sauce on the pumpkin pastyand the
kibosh on anything involving a Geminiod doublemy
cubicle was clearly visible from Potters office door.
So I spent the afternoon resting.
I knew that the Ministry wards would protect me at work.
But once I went home, it would be open season.
And the next few nights were going to be exhausting.
That evening, I ummed and ahhed over whether or
not to change into my pyjamas but, in the end, I thought, why
not? Duelling can be a physical business, and black silk is particularly
So I got undressed and, wand in hand, sat on the end of my bed,
waiting. I must have dozed off and woken with a start at least
a dozen times, but when he arrived, at about half-past two, I
was wide awake.
He tapped at the window. Malfooooy...
He must be hovering on his broom, I thought.
Malfoy, open the window...
Oh, piss off!
Malfooooy, Ive got something for youuuu...
Yes, Ill bet you have.
I only want to talk to you, Draco...
One intensely annoying thing about this situation is that complete
strangers think they have the right to use my first name. I sighed.
Time to get it over with.
I got up, marched to the window, and opened it.
Cuthbert Pince was waiting impatiently, one hand suggestively
gripping his rampant broom handle, the other clutching a big box
of chocolateshonestly, do I look like the sort of
wizard wholl put out on a first date?
Wheres the Ebony Wand? I demanded.
Safe, where no one else can find it, he said, with
a grin and a giggle that were meant, I think, to be seductive.
Oh, Malfoy, he purredI levelled my wand at himIm
going to give you a night youll never for
Finite Incantatem Erroris.
He fell off his broom.
Yes, I know I should have been more professional, and found
a way to interrogate him about the wand, but you try keeping
your cool when a person of your non-preferred sex thinks hes
on a promise.
There was no more trouble that nightwhich pretty much confirmed
Pinces claim that the wand was safely hidden, at least for
the time being.
The following morning, totally knackered but dragged into work
bright and early by Potters Auror Office Special, I broke
the good news to Granger and Weaselbee.
Youre saying he just came to your house? said
I put my hand on my heart. I swear to Merlin.
Why? Why would he do that?
It doesnt matter for now, Ronald, said Granger.
She turned to me. You say hes in St Mungos,
He fell from my bedroom window.
Grangers only reaction to that was the tiniest flicker
of a frown, quickly banished.
Weaselbee, on the other hand, peered at me from beneath puckered
brows, like a Neanderthal confronted with the Daily Prophets
cryptic crossword. And wheres the Ebony Wand?
Pince wouldnt tell me.
Wed better go and see if theyll let us question
him, Ron, said Granger, picking up her little, beaded bag.
For the rest of the day I toiled at my paperwork, keeping my
ears flapping like the baby elephants in that Muggle film.
Nobody bothered to tell me what was going on but, late in the
afternoon, from the sudden excitement in and around Potters
office, I deduced that Granger and Weaselbee had either persuaded
Pince to give them the wand, or were pretty close to finding it...
At six oclock sharp I went home to the Manor, and prepared
myself for another interrupted night.
I wasnt disappointed.
Shortly after midnight, my bedroom doors flew open and there
stood Weaselbee, framed in the doorway like a ginger Frankensteins
All that was missing was the flash of lightning.
Whats going on, Malfoy? he demanded.
Im really not sure what impressed me morethe way
hed blasted through four layers of Malfoy wards to get to
me, or the look of grim determination distorting his normally
placid face. He was fighting the Libidino spell with every
fibre of his being.
I take it youve found the Ebony Wand, I said.
He muttered something incoherent, and advanced on me like the
Big Bad Wolf stalking Little Red Riding Hood, despite all his
obvious efforts to control himself.
I backed away, trying to keep a healthy distance between us.
I can cancel the spell and make the desire go away,
I assured him, but I need to ask you some questions first.
He was getting far too close for comfort. Hang on to a bedpost.
He grasped my bed with both hands.
Right, I said. Is the Ebony Wand safely back
at the DAS-F?
Sweat was beading on his forehead; his answer was painfully terse:
Did anyone other than you touch it?
That was precisely the answer Id been
dreading. And youre absolutely sure that no
All right. Get on the bed.
This is going to knock you out, I explained. Itll
be safer if youre already lying down.
I could see that he didnt trust me, but that he also knew
that what I was saying made sense. He climbed onto the bed.
Finite Incantatem Erroris, I said, and watched
his body relax, and the tension ebb from his face, as he lost
consciousness. I levitated him out of the bedroom, and locked
him in one of the bathrooms to sleep it off.
Then I lay down on my bed, folded my arms across my chest, and
waited for the main event.
By now, it must be blindingly obvious to you that when my
grandfather, Abraxas Malfoy, with his Dragon Pox-fevered brain,
cast his Libidino spell on the Ebony Wand, he totally bollocksed
(Thats the technical term, by the way).
His intention was to ensure that, when the time came for me
to settle down with a
boring good little pure-blood wife,
I could cast his souped-up Libidino on her andkapow!Id
be looking forward to bedroom bliss for the rest of my days. (Though
why he thought that I would need magical help to keep a
wife happy, I dont know).
Anyway, what he actually did was bequeath me a totally fucked-up
wand that turned anyone who so much as touched it into a ravening
sex-Inferius intent on tracking me down and shagging me to within
an inch of my life.
(And if anyone ever doesconsummate the spell, I meanthats
it. Were bonded.
For all frigging eternity).
So... Remember the twenty-first birthday fiasco I mentioned?
The Ebony Wand was confiscated by a female Auror.
She was an attractive witch, and Im a red-blooded pure-blood,
so when she came back, later that night, andwithout so much
as a by your leaveripped off her robes and demanded
I service her, I was only too eager to oblige.
But the moment her hand closed round me, and she tried to
guide me in, some magical sixth senseor maybe just some
memory of my wartime experiencestold me that something was
Very Wrong Indeed.
There was Dark magic in those fingers!
It only took me a moment to realise that it must somehow be
connected with the Ebony Wand and its Libidino spell.
And then to remember that Dark magic always exacts a price.
With superhuman self control, I pushed her away...
And the next thing she knew I had her locked in the bathroom,
hammering on the door, begging and wheedling, and threatening
me with emasculation. I kept her imprisoned there for three days,
periodically sending in a house-elf with food and other necessities,
whilst I camped in the Library, trawling through a stack of ancient
Grimoires and scouring my grandfathers diary for clues,
until I was able to work out exactly what hed done wrong
and devise a counter-spell.
So, as you can see, I really am the only person in
the world whos immune to the Curse of the Ebony Wand, becauseas
Astoria Greengrass puts itIm the only person in the
world whos already convinced that Im completely irresistible.
I didnt have long to wait.
Having followed Weaselbees trail of destruction all the
way to my bedroom doors, Granger floated into my chamber like
some Pre-Raphaelite nymphomaniac, clad in a sheer, nude-pink nightgown,
her crazy hair tumbling about her shoulders and down her bare
And was I right about that body of hers!
Draco, she murmured, approaching me with outstretched
arms, her bosom heaving with desire
Which was precisely when I realised that, with all the trouble
Id been having, I hadnt seen to myself in almost three
days. Merlin, at that moment, I could have bent Granger over the
back of a chair and fucked her twice without so much as taking
a breath in between...
But I didnt, becauseas I demonstrated earlierI
happen to have superhuman self control when the whole being bound
for life issue is raised. Granger, I began, feeling
for my wand...
I want you, she declared.
I know, I said, sympathetically, but shuffling backwards
to be on the safe side.
She climbed onto the bed and, crawling on all fours, quickly
overtook me. Draco, she said, straddling me with such
a mixture of wonder and greed and triumph on her face youd
have thought it was all her own work, youve got a
Yes. Tell me about it.
Your granddad made a pigs ear of that Lusting Spell,
didnt he? she went on, leaning in and ghosting her
lips over my mouth, my chin, and my Adams apple, whilstat
the same timesettling her very eager pussy on my very hard
If youve got that worked out, I gasped, stillsomehowmanaging
to feel about for my wand, why are you here? Hm? Surely
youve also worked out the counter-spell?
Mmmmmmm, she said, though whether she meant
she had, or whether she was just enjoying sucking my ear lobe,
I couldnt tell.
Granger... I gave up on the wand-finding business
and tried, instead, to grasp her shoulders and push her away bodily,
butfor some reasonmy hands closed on her breasts and,
whilst I was there, I couldnt stop myself appreciating their
ripe fullness, especially since Granger made the most wonderful
sound in response, somewhere between a sigh and a moan...
And then she took things to a whole new level: Draco,
she sigh-moaned, rocking her hips so that her entire weight was
riding my hard-on, oh, Draco, make love to me. Please. I
Now, as it happened, two nights of waiting for Granger to come
and ravish me had been the perfect opportunity for me to realise
thatdespite the potential Muggle-born problemthere
was no one Id rather be magically bound to.
Think of all the witches you know. Who would you choose?
But still... Itsits too big a step...
I swallowed hard.
The Slytherin Sex Gods turning down sex? She
sat back on her heels, grinning naughtily. And thenobviously
thinking that she needed to show me exactly what I was missing
out onshe pulled her nightgown off over her head.
I looked up at her smooth, pale bodythe proud breasts,
the slender waist, the curvy hips, the darling little triangle
of golden-brown curls, behind which lay paradiseand I almost
Then inspiration somehow dawned inside my fuddled brain: No,
I dont need to turn it down, I said, excitedly, I
just need to release you from the spell first!
I scrabbled at the coverlet, desperate to find my wand.
But if you break the spell, said Granger, coming
up on her knees, well never know what its like
to be magically bonded. She backed up a little, leaned down,
andburrowing inside my pyjamasdid
things to my hard-on with her lips, and her tongue, and her cool,
cool breath. Well never know, she breathed,
the ultimate sexual pleasure, Draco...
Youd be willing to bind yourself to me, I panted,
just to experience magically-enhanced sex?
I have a feeling were going to end up together, whatever,
she answered, suddenly sounding quite serious. So wouldnt
it be a shame,she curled her fingers round my shaftto
settle for a lifetime of ordinary sex, when,locking
her eyes with mine, she lifted my cock to her lips (so the rest
of what she said was somewhat muffled, but none the less persuasive)thanks
to your grandfather, Draco, we can have the sort of sex most people
cant even dream of?
Well, I couldnt argue with that, could I?
I insisted on being on top, which made her laugh. All right,
she said, if you must. But...
She Acciod her wandwhy hadnt I thought
of that?and cast some sort of Jelly-Mattress Jinx.
What are you...
Itll be more fun, Draco, she said. And she
Ill admit there was little finesse to our first coupling;
I simply thrust into her, making her cry outin relief, I
hope, or maybe in response to the sudden flare of Dark magicand
then got straight down to it.
But with each stroke, the undulating mattress sank beneath her,
and her pussy felt like an entire universe, waiting to take me,
deeper and deeper andas Granger herself had pointed out,
Im not a small mandeeper than any woman had
ever taken me before, even though my thrusts seemed infinite...
And, ohhh, the smile on her faceoh, that satisfied smile!
Shed got me, and she knew it!
She lifted her hands and, placing them flat on my chest, pushed
me until my back was arched like a cobra and my pelvis must have
been jammed against her clit. There, she said.
I ground into her, and she writhed on the shivering mattress
like a wanton. Merlin, Granger, I groaned, if
you keep that up, Im never going to last!
She rose up and, wrapping her arms around my neck, nuzzled my
ear, whispering, Do that a few more times, Malfoy, and you
wont need to last...
Then she tightened herself hard around me, and I heard myself
sobbing into her lovely hair, Stop it, woman... Stop it...
I swear... Im going to drown you...
Her pussy clenched again, and she let out a delicious, deep-chested
moanand I was a man on a mission.
I lowered her onto the mattress, and set about making her come.
I wanted to thrust, of coursehard and fast and furiousbut
I held myself in check for her, grinding, grinding, gently but
firmly, grinding, grinding, untilOh, fuck!she
screamed, arching her back and jutting out her breasts...
I felt her coming!
And, somewhere amidst all her wild, hungry spasms, my balls exploded,
shooting such a load out of me, the tremors spread way beyond
my groin, driving deep into my legs and burning straight up my
spine, untilfor the first time in my lifethe climax
enveloped my entire body, and filled my head with stars.
Afterwards, as we lay side-by-side, breathing heavily, Are
they true, asked Granger, sounding like the cat that got
the cream, all those rumours about you being able to keep
it up all night?
Is that all you want me for, I sighed; cock?
Cock and your money, she replied, wittily.
Now, obviously, Ive always been proud of my staying power.
But, at that particular moment, magically bonded to Granger, I
suspected it would be far more fun to let her think that I was
Who knew what lengths she might go to, toerrevive
I dont know where you heard that bullshit,
I said, closing my eyes and pretending that being worked on by
the Gryffindor Sex Goddess was having no effect. Right now,
Granger, all I want is a good nights sleep. The last two
days have been a bitch.